Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Bulk trash forces Roanoke council candidate to run in November

Bulk Trash Party Candidate for November 2012

BREAKING: There has been an anonymous tip that it was the “Tomato Stake Party” that has formed my Super PAC. It seems this “hot tomato chick” pictured is now pandering to the Tomato Growers of Roanoke. Stay tuned for further updates.

Earlier: After the extensive indecisive head-scratching discussion at Monday’s city council meeting I have decided to run for council in November 2012. You say I can’t do that? Well, maybe so but nothing can stop me from campaigning. I am running with the support of the “Bulk Trash” Party.

I don’t know exactly who my “Super PAC” is but they came secretly in the wee-hours Monday morning suggesting support. They must think that council harmony is getting out of hand. Lord knows we can’t have that and I’m just the one to break the impasse.

Let me explain how all this came about so suddenly. My garage is just too darn cluttered with boxes of this and that – that I just might need again someday. It is not quite as bad as the “Hoarding: Buried Alive” TV show but it was long overdue. I started slowly.

With my son’s help we pulled up the dilapidated birdfeeder and post for Monday bulk pickup. Later I decided to drag my boxes of about 60 campaign signs from my unsuccessful bid for city council to the curb. The wires will still in them and that may have been the attraction and reason for their disappearance. The yard signs were gone by sunrise Monday morning. All that was left at the curb was the birdfeeder and post.

I was baffled at why would someone take 60 of my campaign signs with my picture on them? I felt violated. Then it dawned on me it must be supporters for a future campaign. These supporters don’t like harmony and would rather see a little agitation of his/her fellow colleagues on council. They must want someone who doesn’t mind shaking things up with a little impersonal bluntness.

So here pictured at left is what you might see throughout Roanoke soon. If you do just know that with “Bulk Trash” Party backing I promise every piece of your trash will be removed from your property immediately upon placement. That may however, include some items you didn’t mean to throw away.

Oh, and please let me know where those signs pop up.

VALERIE GARNER, the Bulk Trash Party candidate for Roanoke City Council in November.

Posted By Valerie Garner

Categories: Commentary, Election 2012, Elections, Politics, Roanoke City Politics

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Comments (1)


June 5th, 2012 at 5:52 PM    

I think the bags of cut grass were exchanged for your signs. Maybe the bandit mower thought that an exchange would be acceptable since he was forbidden to abandon grass in our neighborhood anymore.

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